he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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