I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
