today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
