Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just google imaged poop.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
