u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize