Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
