i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You did what with his pubic hair?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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