I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just found puke in my bra..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
