there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
