White coat. Heels.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
