ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
