i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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