Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I want is dick and wine.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize