Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
