I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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