Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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