sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
