and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
