my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
