you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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