the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
