I want to have your abortion
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
