you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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