She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
