im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
