She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want nice things and good sex
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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