Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
