you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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