So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
