well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
