I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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