Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
