I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize