Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
