ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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