I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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