I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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