Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
