Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
