I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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