you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
