sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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