So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
