ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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