I'm lost and stupid without you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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