sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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