I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
