Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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