I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize