Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize