dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Green mimosas i think yes
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
