Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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