If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
