she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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