just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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