what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
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