never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How naked do you want me to be?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
