She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
