remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize