Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize