We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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