It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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