so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You ruined the universe
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
