Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize