..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
