I think my fart just growled at me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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