I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
