there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I understand Curling. That high.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
