So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You ate ashes out of my bong
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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